中秋小笑话

1、字母过中秋
　　
24个字母也聚在了一起过中秋节，它们开始争论谁长得像月饼。
O：我长得最像月饼。
C：我也是月饼，只是被人咬了一口。
D：我也是月饼，只是被人切了一刀。
Q：我也是月饼，嗯……只是露了点儿馅。
　　
2、浪漫的中秋
　　
中秋佳节，皓月当头，庭院流水边，虞姬小鸟依人地靠在霸王项羽的胸口。在这如画般的景色里，一片乌云飘过，夜色变得朦胧。佳人转头看着身旁的霸王，呓语着:“项郎，这样的美景，让人不自觉得会做很多傻事啊！”
项羽闻言，深有体会地赞同说：“是啊……去年向你求婚时的月光比现在还要朦胧。”
　　
3、月饼被拒
　　
爱月饼爱上馒头，拼命追求，馒头誓死不从。
月饼难过地问：你为什么不能接受我，这是为了什么呀？
馒头：“俺娘说啦，你肚子里都是花花肠子，不安全。”
　　
4、蚯蚓馅月
　　
饼中秋节，小鱼缠着妈妈要吃肉馅月饼。鱼妈妈不耐烦地说：“吃什么吃，你姐姐的教训还不大吗？非要吃蚯蚓馅的月饼，结果怎么样？被渔夫钓上去了吧！”
　　
5、“中秋日饼”
　　
有位店主在产品名牌上把“中秋月饼”误写成“中秋日饼。”一个顾客对他说：“这月饼的‘月’字，写的是个白字。”店主一本正经地说：“哪里是‘白’字？‘白’字上头还有一撇哩！”
　　
6、豆腐月饼
　　
中秋节，一对情侣在阳台上一边吃月饼一边赏月。
女生向皎洁的明月鞠了一躬，坐下咬了一口月饼，说；“但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。”
女生的鞠躬让男生的眼睛一亮，就咬了一口月饼说：“举头望嫦娥，低头吃豆腐。”
女生不解地问；“怎么是吃豆腐，是吃月饼啊。”
男生窃笑道；“我吃的是豆腐月饼。”
女生去抢男生手里的月饼：“让我尝尝，我还没吃过豆腐月饼呢。”

杰克的答案

Jack's Answer 

The teacher is asking an arithmetic question: "Jack, if you found 
three dollars in your right pocket and two dollars in your left pocket, what would you have?" "I must have somebody else's pants on." 

杰克的答案 

老师正在问一道算术题："杰克，如果你在你右边口袋里发现了3美元，左边口袋里发现了4美元，你一共有多少呢？""我肯定是穿着别人的裤子。"

小幽默：两个超级大笨贼

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said，"I hear sirens. Jump！"

The second one said，"But we're on the 13 th floor！"

The first one screamed back，"This is no time to be superstitious！"

　

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说："我听到警报响了，快跳吧！"

第二个说："但是我们现在在第13层啊！"第一个尖叫着回敬他："都什么时候了，还这么迷信！"

猜一猜：脑筋急转弯

Four girls have a basket with four apples in it.How can you divide the apples so that each girl gets a whole apple and one still remains in the basket?

 
Give three girls an apple each,and give the fourth girl her apple in the basket.

笑话：无济于事

A man came home from playing golf, and his wife asked, "How was your golf game?" He said, "I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight has gotten so bad that I couldn't see where the ball went!" So the wife said, "You're 75 years old, Jack! What do you expect? Why don't you take my brother along?"Jack said, "But he's 85! And he doesn't even
play golf anymore!" And the wife said, "But he has perfect eyesight! At least he could watch your ball for you." So, the next day Jack took the brother-in-law with him to play golf. And while the brother looked on, Jack swung. But the ball disappeared somewhere. So Jack asked his brother-in-law, "Did you see it?" And the brother answered, "Yes! I saw it, alright!" So Jack said, "Yes? Where is it?" And the brother answered, "Well, I... I forgot!"

有一个人打完高尔夫球回家后，他太太问他：「你的高尔夫球赛打得如何？」他说：「我打得非常好，但是我的视力变得很差，使我看不清楚球落到哪里去 了！」他太太就说：「杰克，你都已经七十五岁了，还能指望什么？你为什么不带我哥哥一起去呢？」杰克说：「可是他已经八十五岁了，而且也不再打高尔夫球 了。」他太太说：「但是他的视力很好，至少可以帮你盯着球啊！」 于是隔天杰克就带着大舅子一起去打高尔夫球，大舅子在旁边看着他挥杆，可是球还是不见了。他问大舅子说：「你有看到球吗？」大舅子答：「有啊！我看得很清 楚！」杰克问：「那球在哪里呢？」他回答说：「呃…我…我忘记了！」

把所有的诱饵都吃了

The young boy protested vigorously when his mother asked him to take his little sister along fishing. "The last time she came," he objected, "I didn't catch a single fish."

"I'll talk to her," his mother said, "and I promise this time she won't make any noise."

"It wasn't the noise, Mom," the boy replied, "She ate all my bait."

     当妈妈提出让小男孩带着妹妹一起去钓鱼时，他坚决反对。"上次她跟着我，"他反对说，"我连一条鱼都没能钓上。"

   "我会告诉她，"妈妈说，"我保证这次她不再发出响声了。"

   "妈妈，不是响声，"男孩回答，"是她把所有的诱饵都吃了。"